(ENG) Troubles

 (Jullie kunnen gewoon in het Nederlands reageren, ik vond het alleen fijner om engels te typen..)

 

I need to get this off my chest.
I know, I’m being stubborn. But i don’t want to eat. I skipped meals so many times in the past, so why would it hurt to start doing it again? I talked to a friend about this yesterday. He says i should know better by now. He told me that he loves me just the way i am. God dammit why can’t i just believe him! Why do i have so many feelings?! He also told me that i should try to accept myself, with all my Disney, hobbies, quirks and flaws. ‘You’re afraid of being you!’ He says. Truth is i am afraid of being me. My hands are shaking as i type this down. I was in this exact breakdown when i met him, that’s why this is so difficult for me. I remember he told me that curves are likely better than bones in his opinion. But still.. I don’t know if it’s the same breakdown or that it’s just the stress - and i know i should know better because i’m not as big as i was before i met him..i lost weight because of him - But i still feel like i’m too fat. He's got me mentally twisted but i still love him..